The Divine Secrets of a Southern Diva

Oh what did I create when I gave Mike that little Flip Mino digital video camera?

It’s his new bestest friend.

We hit the Astros game last night with some of my work people and Mike decided to make a couple of little videos. Now, we had met at my house for some tasty beverages prior to the game. I don’t think you could tell, though. We acted like proper ladies and gentleman the entire time.

Ghetto Supa-stah. Or Ghetto Supa-Dork. Same same.

I also wrote a new blog (the first time in a while, actually) for work.

Kumbaya, bitches. Let’s all sing-a-long!

We got a roommate.

I couldn’t help it, though. It was Mike’s birthday this weekend. He deserves to get everything he wants. And what he wanted was a roommate. (And a Wii but you still can’t find those fucking things.)

I got him this neat digital camcorder called a Flip Mino. It’s smaller than my Blackberry and totally cool. He can take it anywhere he goes, plug it in and upload his video right to You Tube or into an editor. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. He loved it, of course. We also had dinner at this cool Italian cafe, got ice-cream at Marble Slab and had breakfast on Saturday at Ihop so he could enjoy chocolate pancakes.

While we were there, he kept mentioning his comic book store. How we were so close and and we should go in so he could show me this thing.

I caved. I can’t say no to those big brown eyes.

So, here is a little video of our new roomy.

I have NO idea what I was thinking.

Also, while perusing some of Mike’s older videos, I came across something awesome — a little piece of Breaux Bridge, LA on You Tube.

See, Mike made a video that mentioned me being in Breaux Bridge. I watched it again and noticed that the other recommended videos were from Breaux Bridge, too. It was an old friend of the family who owns a pharmacy in Breaux Bridge and makes this crazy commercials. They are nuts. I laughed so hard when I saw them. Make sure you watch “My Lawyer”. It will show you exactly how someone tells a story in Breaux Bridge. There is no dramatization in that one.

Enjoy, sha!

http://www.youtube.com/user/FredMillsCommercials

That man used to fill all my prescriptions.

Mah, dat some funny shit.

We have two free weekends and then it’s off to NYC for some uber foo-foo wedding at the Ritz Carlton in Manhattan. As my momma would say- “Lawd, that’s country come to town.” I’ll have an awesome blog about the whole thing. I need to go shoe shopping, though. Darn.

Chi-chi and fancy free-
Ali

Cabos was awesome. Beautiful, fun, relaxing… just awesome.

Even the plane ride was awesome.

We were greated by my parents, Seth and Savannah and her parents with cocktails and goody-bags. We then went to our rooms and dropped off our stuff. We had a mini-fridge that was filled everyday with Corona, Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Sierra Mist and Orange soda. Also, there were fifths of whisky, rum, tequila and scotch.  Fifths.

We pretty much stayed in or by the pool for most of the day time hours. Near the swim up bar and the infinity edge of the pool. The views were amazing. We laughed and drank and acted the fool.  We went on a “sunset cruise” that was a total cheese-fest but the views were beautiful. We took a bicycle taxi to the Cabo Wabo and had red rockers. We ate yummy food and had a wonderful time with our friends and family. The wedding was beautiful and most importantly, Seth and Savannah had a great time.

So many things happend on the trip- I’d be writing for days.

Mike took tons of pics and video’d the wedding. He put the following video together.  We showed it at theb party they had last weekend in Lake Charles. Lots of people cried.

This is a slideshow of some of the pics we took. Amongst everyone we had well over 2000 pictures. Crazy.

It’s definitely a trip we needed and will never forget.
Can’t wait to see what we can plan for next year!

Mike and I went to the Midnight showing of The Dark Knight on opening day. Originally it was because were going to be out of town. Normally we’d just go Friday night like sane folks. We ended up not going out of town but we already had the tickets. So, off we went.

The place was swarming. We had trouble finding parking. Hello? It’s god damn midnight on a Thursday night at the MOVIES. Whatever, it’s Batman and fanboys and girls are wetting their pants left and right. I get it. Sort of. I mean, I was totally stoked to see it but I’m not a dork. Let’s just get that straight. I’m a movie fan, that’s all. And I’m sane. Well, saner then some of these people.

So, we get in line for snacks. Didn’t take too long. We were seated an HOUR before it started. Awesome. Boringly awesome. The entire row behind us was taken up by some superfan friends. Complete with the keychain that makes light saber noises and dudes that laughed like Louis Skolnick.

Shoot me.

So, I get restless and decide that candy is the answer. I get up to grab M&M’s and Skittles. When I walk outside there is a mob scene in the lobby. 7 theaters of Batman all showing at the same time and people wanted their snacks. So I get in line.

The wrong line. The oh-so-very-wrong line.

It’s taking forever. Like way longer than the other lines. Apparently the chick a few people in front of me is ordering popcorn and cokes for an entire theater. The chick behind me is getting antsy and strikes up a conversation with me. Whatever, it’s passing the time. We bond over the chick in front taking so long. She’s going on and on and on and ON about how this is the only movie she wanted to see all year and OMG they better HURRY! SHE’S GOT TO GET BACK IN! And she’s starts kinda bouncing at this point. I can only see her out of the corner of my eye because I’ve not fully turned around yet.

Oh, by the way, it was 11:30.  She still had 30 FUCKING MINUTES to get her snacks and sit. She was in the same theater as me- the one next door to the concession stand.

Anyway- she happens to mention that she and her friends even dressed up! That’s when I turned around and realized I’d been talking to…

Batgirl.

Just… awesome.

Honestly- what the fuck?

She’s a grown ass woman. With a drivers license and credit card- I saw them in her weird little wallet thingy she was carrying around. She’s over 21. Dressed in black lycra tank mini dress with a pink bat-belt and black boots. She then starts picking out other people who were dressed up and saying how “awesome” they looked. Cat woman was a couple of lines over. Ears and all. The Joker was there- green hair, purple suit and clown make-up. The whole 9 yards. I saw tons of black capes, but really only one true Batman. Mask, cape, tights… and about 90 lbs wet.

It was a total case of “Who here does not belong?”. Answer-moi.

Finally the movie started. AND IT WAS RIDICULOUS. (Which is really good, for those who aren’t hip to my vocab. ) It’s hard to put into words how awesome it was. Heath Ledger was incredible. His nuances in the character- the complete sheer psychoticness he gave The Joker was extraordinary. He was funny and sick and twisted and terrifying and sad all at the same time. Its so sad that he was taken so young. As wonderful as Brokeback was, this was his defining moment.

Everyone was amazing. Aaron Eckhart (who I LOVE) was awesome. Christian Bale, over course, is the perfect Bruce Wayne/Batman. Gary Oldman- incredible.

The city of Chicago was a great backdrop. It was the first time Gotham looked like a real contemporary city and not some surreal place that lives only in comic books. Everything about this movie seemed “real”. Crazy dude in clown make-up terrorizing a city… Rich vigilante crime-fighter in wicked shape using all of his expensive toys to help him defeat evil. It didn’t feel like I was reading a comic or suspending belief to buy into what was happening. Just ordinary people doing extraordinary things.

Just awesome in every way.

Not awesome enough, however, to convince me to wear a Batgirl costume to see it again.

We’ll be going to the IMAX showing on Monday when we get back from Cabo.

Where, by the way, I’ll be in 48 hours!
It can’t get here any sooner, either.

Next blog will be a report on the vacation festivities. Who was the drunkest… the most sunburned… who just straight up acted like a crazy fool. We’ll be capturing this in still photos AND video.

HOLLA!

-Mentally preparing for Coronas on the beach.
Ali

At this time next week, I’ll be lounging on the beach in Cabo San Lucas with a drink in hand, doing nothing but chillin’ like a villain.

Mike and I haven’t been on a vacation since we went down the shore a couple of years ago and he doesn’t even count that. Had my brother not been getting married, we’d probably still not gone anywhere. What’s even better is that my whole family is going, plus my grandmother and her friends, Kristen and her mom my cousins and uncle-who-is-like-my-brother. In all, there will be 52 people going- 22 specifically on our side of the family. It will simply be drunken madness all around.

I’m also- kudos to me for being such a bargain hunter. I ended up saving Mike and I $450. I originally booked straight through the hotel. Then Kristen said her travel agent said they were running a special. So I switched my reservation and saved $300. Then I wanted to pay upfront and the hotel wouldn’t let me. So I got on Fun Jet’s site and booked the same exact room for $150 less.  SCORE.

We’ve bought so much clothes for the trip and just stuff. It’s absurd, but I’ma look so cute. My dress for the wedding is so cute. White sleeveless empire waist A-line with brown, gold and sand colored flowers on it. Bronze peep-toe sling back wedges to go with it. I even got cute bathing suites. As cute as I can be in a bathing suite, anyway.  Everything is colored coordinated from my flip flops to my beach bag- brown, bronze and black.

I call my look Chubby Chic: Even though it’s bigger, it’s still fabulous.

Mikey got lots of new stuff, too! Shorts, t-shirts, plaid shirts, a sage linen shirt for the wedding, flip flops and a couple of hats. We so cute.

So, the countdown is ON.
Sun. Beach. Chi-chi all-inclusive hotel. Me, Mikey and the fam tearing up Cabo.

I CAN’T wait!

-Dreamin’ of sipping champagne on the beach.
Ali

Right now, my co-worker Neal is laying behind my chair asking me not to roll back to fast so that we don’t have an emergency room incident on our hands. Cuz that would blow a little bit.

It’s 12:34 AM. I’ve been here since a little after 8. AM. He was here earlier than me.

People have been asking about my where-a-bouts. I’ve pretty much fallen off the internet. Aside from an occassional tweet or post on some of the boards I’m on, I’ve been completely ignoring my internet life. Sort of. I mean, I work in the internet biz so it’s not like I’m ever unplugged. I’ve just not been socializin’ too much. And y’all know that ain’t like me.

What have I been doing, you ask?

Rebranding our company, launching a new line of business along with three websites and a brand spankin’ new shopping cart. That’s what.  Not by myself, of course. I can’t code shit. I feel like I’ve done some act of God when I add a link to a graphic in an html email.

But, my team has pulled out all the stops over the last couple of months and been working our asses off. There were lots and lots of late nights and ordered in food and coolers of beer in my cube and fuckin’ EH I think I’ve gained 20 lbs. Maybe 30. Not even shitting you. All I’ve been doing is working, eating and drinking.

But it’s pretty much done. We are on our last leg of the launch. All code is live and we are tweaking now. By we, I mean they while I sit here and write this and listen in on this conference call. I’m waiting for the all clear so I can send out emails. And I’m here for moral support.

Go to our site and tell me what you think. If you look hard enough, you might find pics of my fat ass. And all video work you’ll find is courtesy of my very own Mikey-poo. Who stayed up and tested links for us tonight and made a shit-ton of graphics and took pics and did all sorts of stuff to help us out.

I have managed to squeeze in some fun, too. I had a birthday. Mike was voted the Biggest Yankees Fan from The Buzz and got tickets to all three games. I got drunk with my co-workers a few times. I shopped online till I dropped for my Cabo trip. (2 weeks! OMG.) We snuck a quick trip to Jersey. We saw the awesome Houston 4th of July firework display in our back yard. And I played with my cuter than cute chunky-monkey niece.

So, that’s been what’s up. We have an awesome launch party scheduled for Friday (planned by moi!) and hopefully I’ll have some great pics from it. We are talking private room, open bar, food and Rock Band on the big screen. Ho-lla.

-Delirious from lack of sleep.
Ali

I’ve been so non-bloggy feeling lately. I’m totally exhausted from work and life in general. In the last couple of weeks, we re-painted the bedroom again. Mike was so happy. He told me I could move out if I decided to paint anything else. That’s love right there.

Anyway.

We did that, somewhat organized the office, worked our asses off and barely slept.

Oh. And I went to Ali-Mecca and saw Sex and the City.

Kristen came over and we met Sarah and some of her friends at the movies which was total drama. Like, people everywhere and we were in a traffic jam going to the theater. I even got to verbally cut a bitch who tried to cut in front of me. As if. She didn’t know I was going to Mecca and I had to lay the law. I rolled the window down, asked her if she had a problem then proceeded to tell her that there was a long line behind me and so tough.

Did I mention I was driving Kristen’s car? She expected it to get keyed.

Loved the movie. I reviewed it on The Spout. Check it out. Feel free to jump in the conversation.

We had a great time. I cried, I laughed, I cheered… it was fantastic. We went to House of Pies and had pie afterwards. (What the fuck else are you supposed to eat at House of Pies?) Kristen slept over. We girled Mike out and watched Girls Just Want To Have Fun.

Did I mention that we didn’t have cable, internet or phone all weekend? Why, you ask? Because the awesome AT&T dude who came to hook up my neighbor’s internet he thought the way to make it work would be to cut the wires to our house and strip out the box. Yes, the AT&T guy. Yes, we have service with AT&T.   Fucked up much? Wait until I get a hold of customer service. I smell a free month! Also, his service still doesn’t work.

We woke up this morning, waited around for AT&T and FINALLY it was all turned back on around noon or so. Which fucked me up cuz I had a work emergency on Saturday just before the movie and had to go in to the office to take care of it because I had no god damn internet. Kristen got to see the office, though.

So after all that, we went to Momma’s Cafe and had fried pickles, Migas and cinnamon coffee.  Then Kristen and I got a mani/pedi and picked up Marble Slab for us and Mikey.  We had a great time. It’s so rare that Kristen and I get that much time together but I love it when we do.

So, I had a stressful but great weekend.  Hopefully the work stuff that has us all stressed will be rectified soon. I’ll probably disappear again for a bit after this posting.

Well. Until my birthday. You know how much I love to celebrate me.

9 days and counting-
Ali

Diablo Cody made her Myspace page an auto-add because she couldn’t keep up with the friends requests.

I AM NOW OFFICIALLY HER FRIEND.

*angels sing*

I’m trying very hard not to uber-geek all over her page like some 10 year old Nsync fan in a training bra but I really, really want to. I actually cabbage-patched when I saw “Friends Request Accepted!”.

I’m a freak. I don’t care. She rules the school.

Excuse me while I go vomit geekness all over her page.

-Doing the fangirl hurl.
Ali

Yes, this is a blog about boobs.

No, you won’t see any in here.

I’m sure most of your lives have been touched by people who suffered through breast cancer. My grandmother survived it back in the 80’s and my aunt just went through it a couple of years ago. It’s devastating. And though we have made many advancements in research, we just aren’t there yet.

Mike’s mother Joy is participating in Avon’s Walk for Breast Cancer in Manhattan. The walk is just over 40 miles over the course of 2 days. That is a long. Ass. Walk. This ain’t her first rodeo, either. She walked in 2006, training for months and achieving her goal of finishing. That year she raised $3200 for breast cancer research. This year she’s striving to surpass that goal.

The walk is very special to Joy, as her best friend (and Mike’s “second mom”) was diagnosed with breast cancer this year. She’s gone through 5 months of chemo and is now on a round of radiation. I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know Mrs. Laggy a bit over the last 3 years and she’s a really special lady. She’s been through a lot more than just this disease in the past year. Every time I see her she’s smiling and positive. She’s an inspiration to us all to not sweat the small stuff and live life to its fullest.

So, all that being said, I want your money. I know times are hard right now, but if you have a little to spare to donate to this wonderful cause we’d be greatly appreciative. If you don’t, just say a prayer or keep them in your thoughts.

Joy’s page.

Save the titties and save a life!

THANK YOU!
-Ali

We are all full up here.

I borrowed that sentiment from Katie who loves the line “Sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here.” from As Good As It Gets. Honestly, I think sometimes I’m a magnet for socially challenged mental midgets and all out balls-to-the-wall crazy folk.

1. If you can’t write, please don’t email or text message me in any sort of way. I’ve a real low tolerance for dumbass. If you can’t take the time to spell out “you” or “are” and you are an adult? You and I should never communicate, ever, in any capacity.

2. Myspace whores: If you feel the need to invite every Tom, Dick (hehe I said dick), and Harry to show them your tits, please pass up any profile with the name Ali in it. I promise you, I don’t want to see them. Or your cooch. Or you in a thong. Or in a bra. Or in any other various states of undress. Really. I have my own to marvel at. I don’t need yours, thank you very much.

3. Myspace dudes: No, I don’t want to meet with you on IM to see if we can maybe chat and someday get married. I have a dude. An awesome dude. One who is way more awesomer than you. So suck it and stop sending me invites.

4. If you decide you want a dog, please take care of it. Don’t leave it on your deck (in my backyard) all fucking day where the gardener can’t get in to mow because he’s scared of it. Don’t leave it out there with so little water that he sucks down the bowl of it I give him in a matter of seconds. You seemed like a nice guy until this. Don’t make me hate you.

5. Stop asking me for ridiculous, mind-dumbing, waste-of-my-precious-time bullshit. I don’t care. I don’t want to deal with you. You are about as important as a vagina to a gay man.

6. If you are going to say something that incurs my wrath and you do it knowingly, why do you get upset when I let loose on you? That’s pretty fucking stupid if you ask me.

7. Chocolate Teddy Grahams are quite delicious. This has absolutely no bearing on this blog-o-crazy, but I’m eating them right now and they are nummy.

Seriously, people. Don’t make me cut a bitch. I’m way too busy for that shit. Take your crazy somewhere else.

Footloose and Crazy-free.
-Ali